high jumps (low jumps)

I haven’t wrote on this blog on what feels like forever. I wish I had an excuse but truth be told I don’t know where I would start. Perhaps I wrote this blog as a hope of one day becoming a writer and now any “talent” I was convinced I had is gone, along with my motivation? That sounds awful to write though, so I’ll just say I’ve been busy.
I’ve been thinking a lot about expectations, and how no matter what we do there’s always this imaginary high jump pole ( only image I could think of, sorry) for us to jump over in order to feel proud of ourselves. Although what if you don’t jump over, what if you fall? you could hurt a limp or your pride and yet only get shame as your reward. Why isn’t the run and jump credible? fuck, why isn’t turning up credible? just because we fall short of our own/ others/ society’s expectations doesn’t mean we should feel ashamed of the run and jump that got us there in the first place.
if we didn’t run and jump into things we would get no where. Nights out would be nights in, sexual escapades would be sexual frustration and dashed dreamed would be wasted time. Yes, just because a dream or desire turned out to nightmarish doesn’t mean it was a waste. There might not be any medals for trying but there’s a lot of experience to be gained. So take a run and jump, fall below the bar and reject the shame. You have the experience to learn from, and no matter how high expectations were, you will always have that.

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