In the past year 100’000 people were diagnosed with HIV in the UK. 50% of these people were gay men. With such an astoundingly large number (which is more likely to increase rather than decrease in the years to come) it really begs the question – why are so many gay men getting aids? Is it because when people step out of the metaphorical closet they forget to bring condoms with them? No. Is it because all gay men are sex crazed idiots? No. Is it god’s way of “punishing the queers for taking it in their rears”. Cute rhyming “ChristianChick1990” but still, no. It’s through a lack of communication.

We are taught from as young an age as eight that sex is what happens when two people love each other very much and that babies are a result of sex. From the age eleven we continue our journey to become safe sex masterminds by learning that condoms can be used to prevent unwanted pregnancy, or to stop the spreading of STIs. Great. Fantastic. But what if the two people in love are both male or both female – a couple that can’t get pregnant? The general assumption is that if you can’t get pregnant, then you can’t catch a STI. The general assumption is completely wrong. Something must be done. And soon. My recommendation? Implement a stronger, more obvious education about homosexual relationships – both sexual and non-sexual in schools.

Now the reason I say there should be a stronger education, rather than ‘the start of an education’ is because I believe there is supposed to already be LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transsexual) references in sex education. References. I remember being fourteen and my sex education teacher, a reserved 64 year old man, briefly touched on the subject of HIV muttering “gay men … more at risk … condoms good” whilst looking uncomfortably around the room and fixing his gaze on me. The sad part is that im lucky to have had those seven words muttered at me.

There are people in the UK who would be jealous of me and my reference to gay sex education. People like Luke Alexander, an 18 year old who went on UK morning television show “This Morning” blaming the lack of sex education for getting HIV. He states that these classes never mentioned gay relationships or any precautions gay people should take. If Luke had received an unprejudiced education about gay relations he could be free from HIV. And I bet many others could be as well.Image

           Luke Alexander – A victim of poor sex education?


If implemented correctly, I strongly believe there could be a drop in the amount of people with aids in the UK. If schools made children aware of gay relationships and gay families from the age we learn about heterosexual relationships, then a lot more can be achieved than aids prevention. Children learning that gay relationships and gay families are completely normal and equal to their heterosexual counterparts could potentially realize some of the stigma around homosexuality, especially among young teens. A usual insult among young teens is too call somebody gay (“gayboy/faggot/dyke”), as though it’s something negative; something to be ashamed of. Children being taught about gay relationships can potentially stop young people giving homosexuality negative connotations as well as giving homosexuals negative titles.

Of course I feel I must talk about the negative reactions that gay sex education would invoke. Prejudiced parents might think that since little Jack and Jill are being taught about gay relationships, it will increase their chances of turning into ‘a gay’. Oh bless those dum-dums. As a survivor of an heterosexual sex-ed curriculum – I can confirm that afterwards I didn’t want to shred my fabulous glitter – encrusted skin and transform myself into ‘a hetro.’ In fact, I can confirm that objecting to gay sex education will only increase: the amount of ‘a gays’ with HIV; the amount of homosexuals unaware of safe sex; and the chance of prejudiced parenting and teaching surviving yet another generation.

I believe that gay sex education is vital for society. It can be a huge step in the UKs fight against aids and HIV, educating over 50% of potential sufferers on how to stay safe. It can also be a huge step in squishing the stigma around homosexuals, as long as the parents remember that just because they didn’t use a condom … doesn’t mean your child can’t know that gay people should.






I was standing in the doorway of a bathroom. The bathroom in question is one I’ve never seen before; it was large, white and even stranger, clean. This was not my bathroom. Just then, a dreamy astronaut came in behind me. I didn’t have to ask his name, it was Dave Langdon. As though I was completely invisible, astronaut Dave Langdon began to pee in the bathtub. I was smiling in admiration, whilst also wondering what he was doing, when he looked at me as though realizing I existed. He smiled at me as though I was the type of woman he’s been looking for his entire life. I grinned back; completely forgiving and forgetting about the fact he was peeing in a bathtub in front of me and hoping he would kiss me. Just then, Tony the Tiger came into the bathroom and offered me a bowl of Frosties. Wait. No no no, stop right there.

I awoke from my ‘Astronaut Dave Langdon with a hint of Frosties’ dream at six am on a Tuesday. You know you’ve hit a special, elitist level of cynicism when you can tell you’re dreaming within a dream just because things are looking too good for you. A cute astronaut boyfriend; a possibility of kissing; sugar coated cereal AND a clean bathroom. Things would finally have been looking up for ol Marge Michaels. I’m a 31 year old woman who is living in the big city of London. Obviously since I am dreaming of dreamy astronaut boyfriends … I am in a dead-end relationship – the only thing preventing us from breaking up is the fact my mother hasn’t been keeping well recently and I think if her only child became single at 31 it might push her over the edge. I wish I was joking. It’s not so bad though, I work 14 hours a day and he’s having an affair with his sister’s friend Irene. We’re both keeping ourselves busy doing what we love. I work as a head writer for ‘It’s All Good’, a comedy sitcom that airs on channel 39 (11.10 this Tuesday!!). It’s a show about a married couple that overcome new marital problems every episode and concludes each episode with both man and wife saying “IT’S ALL GOOD” at the same time. Obviously we get very high ratings. (11.10 this Tuesday!!!)

High ratings or not I love my job. I started working at channel four when I was 24 years old. I had just finished a degree in scriptwriting and sent scripts out to every broadcasting network in the United Kingdom. The only reply I got was from Channel 39, which I look on as an act of fate rather than that no other network wanted me. I called to set up a meeting with Mr. Wilson, the owner of channel 39. In this meeting he asked me to write an example of a comedy script and almost fell off his chair when I used “meat poles” as a euphemism for male genitalia. I was hired on the spot. I worked on a couple of projects but I only felt secure with my writing ability when I started work on “It’s All Good”. Mr. Wilson promoted me to head writer because I was “producing some excellent work recently” (that’s executive talk for “you’ve worked here six years and you’re still just a staff writer?). Regardless, I was a head writer on a new show, thus putting me in charge of a group of staff writers. My childhood dream of being the boss had come true and turns out you say “I’m the boss! Do this now! Get me coffee!” a lot less than expected and when you do, nobody does this now or get you coffee. The staff writers and I collaborate on almost everything that’s written on “It’s All Good” and they produce hilarious work every day. However, if Danielle pitches the idea that ‘they can go to couple counseling and then they BOTH sleep with the councillor I will waste that bitch. Im not joking, I love her and I would be lost without her but I will – Waste. That. Bitch.

I feel like I should mention now that yes, I do work with actors and yes, they’re just as amazing and down to earth in person. I AM joking. Lewis Clennan, the actor who plays the husband, has a pill addiction and can only work two hours a day without collapsing and being sent to “his special rehab” aka his girlfriends’ vagina. Rebecca Roberts, who plays the wife, makes my life as difficult as she possibly can because (in her own words) “Jennifer Lawrence stole my career”. I’m not joking. One time she tried to get me fired because I wasn’t writing lines that showed off her “acting talents”. Believe me, I was trying. Despite their difficulties and obvious disrespect for me, I still count these actors as friends. Rebecca and I first met on my first writing job ‘My Fat Dentist” where she played one of the dentist patients. We were both new to the network and decided to get some dinner together. ‘I’ve found my friend’ I remember thinking, until someone came up to her at dinner and said they loved her work on ‘My Fat Dentist’ and she decided to leave dinner to work on her acting skills and lose a stone. ‘I’ve lost my friend’ I remember thinking. When I found out Mr. Wilson cast her in her ‘It’s All Good’ I thought we could be friends again, that she would drop the fake actress drama and just be a real person. I was obviously wrong (see above story of her trying to get me fired) but I still wait for the day when she wants to get dinner with me again.

On that particularly cold Tuesday where I woke up at 6am, I noticed something was different. Chris, my boyfriend, was gone! I knew I should have cared but I wasn’t particularly bothered by this, I assumed he was just snoring and taking up Irene’s covers instead of mine. I continued getting ready for work, putting on my red wine stained denim jeans, my brown t-shirt, my belt and my special brown cardigan. It was going to be a good day, I felt good. It was now 6.15am and I had fifteen minutes before I had to leave and walk to the channel 39 studios, so I decided to make myself a rather healthy breakfast of three slices of turkey bacon and pancakes! Hold the maple syrup, Marge Michaels is on a health kick! It was now 6.24am so I double checked I had everything: Scripts, morning snack, pencils, afternoon snack, purse, walking home snack (I would just like to point out that I’m only two pounds overweight, I eat emotionally not for pleasure). I set off for work five minutes earlier than usual, wondering what hellish delights today had in store for me.



Okay so i had an idea for a comedy script, based around those ‘National help for you lawyers’ adverts. I just couldn’t not write it. Obviously this wouldn’t be a real advert and would be used for a comedy sketch. Please leave feedback, it would really mean alot.



Scene opens on a offices reception, there is a desk next to one of the walls with a receptionist behind it, the rest of the room is very spacious. We see a Nadine walk in, a 26 year old, chubby, woman in her office clothes. She is carrying a briefcase and a Starbucks coffee cup.

(Voice over) Nadine: I was walking into work that day, thinking about my morning meetings. There was a puddle without a wetfloor sign and I fell…

We see Nadine put one foot into the puddle and slide away from her other foot, making Nadine do the splits over the puddle before falling on her buttocks.

Nadine: … I fell and seriously injured my minge

We see Nadine lying on the floor rubbing her crotch, people slowly running around to help her.

Nadine: I had to get 68 and half stitches in my vagina and I couldn’t work for a month. When I came back everyone made fun of me. My boss started calling my ‘VaginaGirl’ and my co-workers called me ‘Wet Floor Waffle’. I didn’t know what to do, but then I found out about GenitalHelpLawyers.

One of the people crowded around Nadine Steps away from her looks into the Camera.

GentalHelpLawyersMan: That’s right. At GentalHelpLawyers we help you when your ‘flower’, your ‘teeny weenie’ or your ‘man nuggets’ get a boo boo that could have been prevented. We work hard to insure that you get the compensation you deserve and sort out all that boring legal stuff for you. All you need is damaged genitals and £6900.

Camera cuts to Nadine’s face.

Nadine: GentalHelpLawyers helped my me and my wet floor waffle, and I ever fall and seriously injure my minge again I’ll know who to call on – 07800856969


Voiceover GenitalHelpLawyersMan: (speaking fast) GenitalHelpLawyers is a official firm for genital damages, we offer protection with 97% success rate just like condoms.

broken rulers

Laid back days where we sat in the sun, got ready for parties and watched each other grow up. There’s something much more romantic and intimate about the relationship you have with your best friend when you’re fifteen than a ‘high school relationship’: you create a bond that can be broken like a ruler yet there will still the plastic shards remaining on the floor to symbolize what there once was.

Saying goodbye to these friends are inevitable, your both so busy finding yourself to pay attention to the people you hurt in the process. I would always blame her, my best friend of fifteen. i would always put her needs before mine and she was never satisfied with that, she would always want more. More friends, more danger and more excitement. I wanted these things as well but not at the cost to which we paid. Unlike her i wasn’t in a hurry to grow up. Maybe it was our gender differences, im gay but im still a boy, a boy that could never understand her like any female friend could. Maybe we got lost in translation and began saying all the wrong things to each other, mistaking kisses for knives.

Regardless of kisses of knives we lost each other. I still hear stories of her now: her long term boyfriends broke up with her and she’s been keeping in poor health. I don’t  miss her in the way im longing to be her friend again, i miss her because the memories look so golden in the light now she’s allowed it to shine on them.

Lost In Translation – Two Lost Sould, One Intimate Masterpiece.

If you haven’t seen Sofia Coppola’s masterpiece ‘Lost in Translation’ then don’t wait any longer. Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson give wonderful performances that over 10 years later are still remarkable. Coppola work shines, showing that she is not just milking her family’s stature in the film industry (Her father wrote and directed the godfather trilogy) but is actually a born writer and director. Coppola has followed up her first film, The Virgin Suicides, with a minimalist romance which seduces the audience with its sharp writing and Oscar worthy performances.

Bill Murray plays Bob Harris, a man who is floating through limbo. He is an old movie star alone in Japan shooting a whiskey advert for $2 million dollars, thus distancing himself from his acting career and also his wife and kids. There is many comedic moments for Murray here (a scene where an escort tries to seduce an unknowing Bob Harris springs to mind) yet it’s the way that Murray underplays them that show’s his acting talent. Bob Harris is too tired, too sad and too disconnected to be outright hilarious, to be the life and soul of the party which we know he could be because of his Hollywood background. Its Murrays ability to show these bruises and wounds from Bob’s past, yet still remains funny, that makes this performance one of his best to date.

Bob Harris’s counterpart, Charlotte (Johansson) is easily 25 years younger than bob, yet there in the same situation. She also feels alone and isolated from the world, from her workaholic husband of two years and most importantly from herself. Watching Charlotte trying to find herself is sometimes difficult to watch After going to a temple and ‘feeling nothing’, we see her travelling through Tokyo doing as many activity’s as she can in order to find something to connect too, until of course she meets Bob.

Image         These are two lost people trying to connect with something

Coppola is fearless in the way she lets Bob and Charlotte interact with each other and on their own. As they are two lost people trying to connect with something, there are many shots of Charlotte traversing Tokyo and interacting with the world, only to realize she isn’t really impacting the world at all. Together, we are able to see this relationship flourish in front of us, making us suspect some form of romance between the two of them, especially during a karaoke scene when Murray sings Roxy music’s ‘More Than This. When his eyes meet Johansson’s, there’s electricity between the two of that that can be felt through the scene. This electricity, this romance is never acted upon which is probably for the best, the idea that these two lost souls from different walks of life have connected to each other and are able to help each other is what their relationship is based on, if they were to become romantically involved it would drive focus away from the main point of characters and the film.

In her work on the Virgin Suicide, an adaptation of the Jeffrey Eugenides novel which even the most advance screenwriters would have trouble with; Coppola made the film feel girly, exploring womanhood and female sexuality more than the novel did. It’s clear she has grown since then, finding a perfect tone in Lost in Translation when she brings Charlotte and Bob together. While there may not be a lot of dialog in the film, every single word is essential. When Charlotte say’s to bob ‘I’ll miss you’ towards the end of the film, I can feel the pain of saying goodbye to someone special, someone who has helped you through a difficult time of your life. Even after my tenth viewing of the scene I was as heartbroken as the first. We watch these characters grow from being disconnected and jaded to fully dimensional people. When Bob has an affair with his wife, Charlotte is stung ‘im sure you had a lot to talk about, like growing up in the fifties’. But she is not stung with jealously, her respect and trust in the only person who has shown her any real attention since landing in Japan is shaken. Coppola ability to show all these feelings and characterization in a single line is incredible.

Bob and Charlotte’s time together always had a time limit, they need to return to their lives and figure out what they want: Bob to fix his career and Charlotte to make her husband notice and understand her. It’s an emotional goodbye, with bob whispering something unknown into Charlotte ear. The audience may never know what is said in that whisper, we don’t need too. It’s an intimate moment for just the two of them. Coppola’s whole film is an intimate as that whisper, hushed and silent but with a paramount of importance. With her expect screenwriting and directing, Coppola has created a movie that is appreciated ten years after its release, with platinum performances from Murray and Johansson.


Earlier on I checked my twitter profile. ‘17.5K tweets’. 17.5K ideas compressed into 140 characters each. I don’t think I’ve ever had a good idea in my life so the fact I could wrote so much bullshit startled me. Naturally i deleted my account upon realising I had unleashed so much crap upon the internet but the number still bugged me. 17.5K. Why was there so many, what the fuck did I even write about and more importantly, why did I write it in the first place? The awnser was simple – attention. Twitter had turned me into an attention whore, looking for a trophy that went in the form of a ‘favourite’ (or the ultimate sign of approval … A ‘retweet’) for every thought I communicated. And it’s not just me it’s had this effect on, it’s everyone using social media. Whilst being able to share our thoughts and communicate freely with our friends, it’s turned us into creatures craving attention to validate our online presence by having more likes or favourites than anyone else. When the attention runs out we begin to doubt ourselves, panic that our readers have grown tired of us. We begin to spam timelines more and more just in hope of getting someone to notice us, praying for one more like/favourite/thumbs-up/Note/ kiss on the cheek.
I realise that posting this post on an online blog is irony at its finest, i couldn’t help myself. And whilst I do value social media for the ease of communication it’s granted me/everyone, I just feel it’s time me and twitter break up. Rest assure though I’ll keep my trophies it’s gave me. All 17.5K of them.

why I love insecurities

Today in my college class we were introduced to a new project, in which we would write an article about anything we wanted as long as presented and treated like a real, published piece of work. I’ve been rolling around ideas in my head but I think I finally have finally stopped on one – a photo journalism piece on insecurities. After doing a photography unit where I focused on insecurities and presenting them in up close, exaggerated ways, ( I did a weight photo shoot like a Jenny Saville painting (photo below)) this could be a good fit for me.Its a topic I love to explore. people always have such low self esteem of themselves so getting to see the cause, and presenting it in such an exaggerated way it makes it look insignificant, is fascinating to me. It’s allows to me show we exaggerate our own insecurities in our minds, thinking there much worse than they actually are. People are just people, thinking you mean less than others is just complete bullshit yet we all think it at some point. Trying to better yourself by being skinnier or funnier or friendlier is a lost cause because we can’t fight we are, and also because nobody judging you really cares that much to expect change. That’s why I’m so excited to do this topic, it’s so full of flavour and can tell a message in such an unconventional way.

shit, i really need to use this website more seriously I’m sorry.